the opposite of war isn't peace; it's creation!

BOY i know i haven't been around here in forever and i'll do a proper entry about that later (aka never) but i just GOTTA write today's run down bc it was legit the most fun run i've been on so far


so to preface this i was kinda worried about today's run for two reasons. one, it's my second time playing shadowrun after a three week break and last time i had a really hard time remembering the rules and when to roll what. two, last time there was a player who just annoyed the absolute fucking hell out of me and he was gm'ing today

BUT THEN! it was just so much fun
we were a pretty small group (5 players + gm), and one of the players was my really good friend and another one one of our regular gms, who's a really nice guy and a fun player as well, one of our regular teammates who's quite alright and a guy i haven't played with before (and also me obvs). i played my cyberorc crome, and basically our task was really easy: sit on this datachip for a day, then lose it while playing roulette at a very specific casino. 2k nuyen per person, which isn't much but for just sitting on a chip it was alright.

so that's what we did! we lost the chip while playing roulette at that casino, then we left, and then we rather unfortunately got a call from a very high ranking law enforcement person, telling us that in case we're interested in being alive and not dead, we'll get that chip back in under twenty minutes.

so we went ant stormed the casino. our plan went as follows: the three of us who didn't forget our weapons in the car storm the front door, kill the two security guards at the reception, threaten / kill the receptionist to get the keycard to the elevator behind the reception. then the other two would arrive (one of who forgot his ammo, but at least he brought his dog drones). we then glued the door to the main casino room shut (naturally, that's what you do with doors you want to not open), left drone guy behind to get into the elevator, which could only fit four of us at a time and went into the basement.
we had just broken open the first security door when drone guy joined us (and by "broken open" i mean literally broken open. me and my cyberarms and a crowbar had some fun). that's also when we found out that apparently this little casino belonged to wuxing, which, you know, that's great.
so then we went into the next room where there were five drones shooting the absolute shit out of us. our mage almost died, but once the situation was more or less under control i kinda saved his ass bc i have five dice on first aid plus a rank two medkit plus my logic stat i believe.
now we just had one room with a really secure door in front of us and two regular rooms to each side. so we then went and melted a hole into the really secure door and since we'd earlier agreed that putting a grenade into a room is generally not healthy for the people inside that room, i tossed a high explosive grenade through the hole. which pulverised absolutely everything. e v e r y t h i n g. i had 16p damage on it, it was a small room, boom. absolutely nothing left. so amazing!
well, we got out through the canalisation, freed some slaves along the way and stole some drugs. the chip we were supposed to recover was still in macroscopic fragments, so it was a job well done, plus we got extra money for freeing the slaves bc they could be federal witnesses then, which was nice! also for our next games, wuxing is gonna want to murder the fuck out of us, which is also nice bc then it'll get interesting!

so overall we got 6.4k nuyen and a whole 8 karma. i now have 39 karma, so next time i play i'll let it absolutely rain. i'm thinking of getting some demolition skills? bc i already have two on demolition and it also seems like a pretty logical thing for crome to be good at. also maybe negotiation, for payment negotiation?
i won't play next week though so i still have time to think about it

but g o d that run was fun. the group was great - my friend especially of course bc we know each other so well by now that we have so many in jokes, and most of them about shadowrun obviously, since that's our first common denominator. then also the mage, who usually gm's, is just SO much fun bc he's such a fun easygoing player and just overall a great person but he also knows the system super well and i just enjoy spending time with him so much. the rest of the team was great as well and we had so many laughs about things. especially all the stuff where i started thinking about you know, how the hell would i ever explain how hilarious this shit is to someone who doesn't play shadowrun, much less to someone who doesn't even play p&p and even less to people who don't know what p&p is. just... overall, i'm so happy with this community and especially all the people in the regular hamburg team bc we haven't played that much together yet but we already have some amazing in jokes

i've also been thinking that i'd love to gm shadowrun. maybe make my family play it or something :D it's still one hell of a pipe dream because... well, it's shadowrun, duh, but... one day :3
 

soooo about a whole ass week has passed! the hubby immigrated and then also emigrated again! and we had fuuuun :3 
actually picking him up from the airport was kinda hell though, because it required me to take a bus for half an hour to then take a regional train for 90 mins to then take a city train for half an hour to then find out that his plane is half an hour late - no wait it's only 15 mins late - no wait it arrived 10 mins ago - no wait it's half an hour late?
it turned out to be on time and we also managed to get the immediate connecting city train so we wouldn't have to wait for over an hour for the next regional one, but i'd brought cookies and water anyways.
the thing was also just - when we arrived in my city, there were no buses going that late anymore, so we had to walk to my place.

the next morning i took him into the city, also bc i had a therapist's appointment, for which i let him roam free (yes he is still alive). and then we went back through the botanical garden and saw some frogs (very good) and some rocks (also very good) (he's a geologist so like).
on friday i think we just stayed in bed the whole entire day and played an idle game. we also had food at some point. absolutely outstanding.
on saturday we actually went to the gym where i got taught some new, fancy, cooler and better techniques for the building of a biceps and a triceps. tho also i did beat him at abs bc i had 2.5kg more, so i can feel good about that! we also had dinner at like midnight, which was fun! we also wrote a little!
on sunday we actually went out for lunch, like adults, and had really nice pizza and then ice cream and then we went on the same huge trip to bring him back to the airport.

and that was it ;_; i didn't get any studying done, so i'm sorta glad he's gone now buuuuuuuuuuut T.T nope i miss him!
even tho it's kinda funny that we basically didn't do shit :D next time we meet we'll be much more active. maybe ;)

i'm waiting for my laundry to finish so i can hang it up and go to bed so i figured i'll write an entry about my shadowrun character, crome

so the first thing you need to know about any character i create is that they're cool. and usually that's their entire personality unless / until i'm forced to do more for them. in crome's case i was forced to do more so i can actually play her and so she's actually a full character and her stats make sense and all that.
so in shadowrun you basically have a fake name for your fake ID, a real name that you were given at birth and a shadowrunner name. crome is the shadowrunner name (the other two are lame af bc i just scrolled naming websites cause idc about names), and she has that name because her little sister is dyslexic and wanted to suggest "chrome" after crome had gotten her cyberware implanted. the real reason is that the girl who i was creating the character with accidentally misspelled chrome bc she was typing in the generator, but i kinda liked it that way.

crome is a fairly averagely tall orc (yes. she's averagely tall. leave me BE) with a curly blonde mohawk and tattoos with mechanical designs (so gears and levers and stuff) all over what skin she has left. bc she also had all her limbs replaced with cyberware. that makes her overall pretty strong (tho i still have to ask about how the cyberware stats get added to the base stats). for an orc she's also curiously charismatic (i had points left and wanted her to have useful contacts).
she's best in unarmed combat and also really good with shotguns and heavy weapons cause... well... see. you can put weapons into cyberlimbs. the gm told me that when i was building her. and then i was like "haha omg i should put a grenade launcher into my arm" and he just said that i totally could.
so.
i totally did :3
and i also put a shotgun into my one leg (that one will be my fav weapon bc the character i played before had that one as well and i killed two final bosses with it) and into the other leg i put a machine gun cause... well sometimes u just gotta, u kno? i also have cybereyes and better bones and muscles and reflexes. and then i ran out of essence and couldn't put in anything else.

stats wise i didn't put too much into physical strength because she does have all her cyberlimbs, but her reaction is pretty good which is in turn good for initiative.
then i obviously skilled unarmed and heavy combat as well as longarms because those are my primary weapons, then also running, sneaking and perception simply because those are needed the most, and then i also put points into intimidation and first aid. intimidation i chose because the last character i played was a pretty badass cool orc too and i was in that situation once where me and the other orc (who was also big and scary looking) on the team were trying to intimidate this frail old professor into coming with us... and we fucked up that one really good because none of us were skilled in intimidation at all. so instead of these two hulking orcs, the professor ended up being intimidated by the dwarf between us. yep.
soooo this time i wanted intimidation.
first aid also has a good reason - my last character was decent in first aid, but for crome it has to do with her backstory, which i'll probs talk about later.
knowledge skills i chose or'zet also as a language because it'd just be weird to have an orc not speak or'zet, and then i chose psychology with a focus on mental illnesses, philosophy with a focus on socialism (yep, this big badass orc is a socialist) and farming with a focus on organics. the backstory to that is that crome's little sister is kinda struggling mentally, they'd both have it a lot easier if everything was a bit more socialist and crome tries to grow plants at home to supplement their food. also because i like plants.
then she also knows stuff about combat tactics (duh) and black markets.

qualities were pretty hard to pick. i definitely needed biocompatibility to get more cyberware, and quick healer just sorta fits to her, as does ambidextrous. but code of honour was i think the defining moment in making her as a character when i sorta felt like finally got to know her. her code is that she doesn't kill children or innocents who haven't provoked (but threatening is still okay).
in the end i had to toss out distinctive style, so i'll have to ask the gm whether i can still dress weirdly without having it have the drawbacks of distinctive style, because i couldn't afford the negative trait anymore :(

the coolest thing about building crome on the character generator later instead of on paper like i did at first was that i could immediately see the pdf / print version where i could also see my physical damage track. so... i can take 24 damage after armour before i'm dead. that's. so fucking awesome.
my armour is kinda boring though bc i just chose the regular bike racing armour. which... is fine, and it fits the character, but it's nothing insanely cool. but then when we played our little first mission i made her wear a pink rain jacket. so that was fun.
also last time we were in hamburg we needed mct suits, so since i had money left i already bought one in advance since this time we're based in hamburg. don't trust that city (or the gm).

and then all i had left was like 100k euros and no cool upgrades to buy. soooo i went slightly nuts with inventory. i bought an additional two heavy guns, a taser, a bunch of grenades, a combat axe, forearm snap blades, shock gloves, a stun bat, so many grenades and ammo, and also, since crome is kinda about health and stuff i got a ton of medical supplies and... a hundred apples. y'know.
crome isn't gm-approved yet, so idk whether she'll actually get to keep those apples, buuuut we'll see.
i also got a fake bodybuard license. not entirely sure why, but it seems useful? i also made sure to have licenses for all my weapons and stuff.

and finally, a vehicle. a harley davidson, obviously, because they're just cool. but... then i found out that i can have weapons built INTO my vehicle. sooooo i now have a harley with a flame thrower and a sniper rifle. not sure how i'll snipe someone from the bike, but i didn't have a sniper rifle yet and i thought it might be useful, so :D

the crown jewel of the character creation is my contacts. basically up until that point it had been me and my friend just kinda thinking about what would make sense for the character to have. or rather, that's what my friend thought about. i thought about what would be cool and way over the top.
but then i had to think about connections crome has. so at first i went with "it's useful to have a connection to a person who has this kind of job". but then i had to give the connections names. basically, i had to come up with the rough ideas of even more characters!
at first i just wanted to choose whatever names i could think of first and call it a day.
but then i sorta. well. basically we found out that i could have connections to pirates. and then i didn't know what a good pirate name would be.
so... now i know an elvish pirate called orlando bloom who is interested in blades. his ship is called the flying dutchman.
i also know an alcoholic troll street doctor by the name of leonard 'bones' mccoy, and an ai fixer who is interested in tv shows and called alexa.

very very unfortunately for me, my friend then also made me fill in all the personal stuff. height, weight, looks aaaaaaand a backstory :| which i'm just SO bad at. i usually need to let that stuff stew for quite a while and then also bounce ideas off of other people and.... y e a h
but basically it's this:
crome has a little sister. their parents worked in a factory where illegal vehicle modifications were built, and one day that place exploded and the parents didn't come home. after that, crome and her sister lived on the streets, squatting in empty buildings and just barely scraping by with odd jobs here and there. eventually the jobs became more regular and crome started working her way up to be a shadowrunner and they started saving towards the cyberware, hoping that that'd help crome get more lucrative jobs. which it did! and then crome had just gotten her cyberware installed when her sister stepped on a landmine-esque thing in the building complex where they were squatting aaaand now she's disabled until they can also afford cyber- or bioware for her.
i'd also kinda love if i could write a few short pieces about crome, how she got her contacts or whatever and just more about who she is, but i've got enough writing projects atm, so *shrugs*
also i guess i'll find out more by playing her. i can't play this friday but hopefully next!

'sup. hello.
things have happened as well as stuff!
i finished the shadowrun mission the week before last - we were still in hamburg and after threatening someone and semi-legally acquiring a boat we then had to fight some people and a ghost and then some mages and also more very dangerous worms and it was once again great fun! i really like that the character i play is somewhat essential in that she's the one to control all vehicles because it makes me feel important :D tho i am a little worried that i bullied the darkelf mage too much, but oh well. i do get on pretty well with the actual player, so it's probs alright. i hope. i'll try to tone it down.
unfortunately it seems like the gm won't gm for a while, so the darkelf mage's player is actually gm'ing this week and we'll probably build characters rather than actually playing much bc the entire rest of the party is all very new players, so it'll also help us get into the game dynamics more, which is great! plus building characters is actually fun!
i'll def have to try to sit next to that one girl who plays the other elf bc she's my new best irl friend (we talked once for an hour so we're besties now) (ok no also we'll meet up to write together next weekend bc she's writing a novel as well), bc that'll be fun and we can do a ~creative process~ together. or something. shush i don't know either!
i do kinda sorta want to build the oc i already have in shadowrun, but she's based very heavily on the character i've played so far cause i'm... stupid and uncreative aljsdkfhajldf so that might be too obvious and i'll have to think of something or someone else. maybe a yang or nora inspired one... hmm.

in other roleplaying news, i might join an rp here on discord bc the friend of a friend mentioned it and it did seem kinda cool. i'm also scared of figuring out how it actually works because i still don't really understand dreamwidth and,,,,, ok tbh i mean i am studying medicine and i'm writing a novel and i'm trying to get fit and i'm doing shadowrun and i have so many friends atm to talk with and i also have that uhh depression thingy and so forth so i have a lot less time and a lot less energy for stuff than regular people, so i'm worried it'll take up too much of my time, so i guess if i am going to join that i'll try to make specific timeslots to make sure i don't interact too much and don't abandon the stuff that's actually important to me because... y e a h i don't want to live that much on the internet again tbh. especially since shadowrun seems to be becoming a regular and continuous thing, and then i'll be doing karate again hopefully, and i just... want to have actual irl hobbies and maybe some internet stuff alongside, but m a n i don't want to live my life sequestered inside, exclusively on the internet bc i'm too lazy to find irl stuff to do.
rant? yes, maybe askjdfhkasdf

in writing news - sunrises is being s l o w. i guess this is the actual writing, where you have to write and where it's work and it's not all fun and games and you just gotta get the story out and have a first draft so that you can then shape it into what you want it to be. i'll most likely really be able to finish it on time for that wip bigbang and i know i have to post it then, but i'll definitely edit it afterwards. sometime. eventually. in summer.
there's so much to change........... g o d

also i may have gone on a lotr reread (and rewatch) and i think the obsession is back in full force. i have actually gotten out my elvish dictionary and grammar booklet again and i've created a few sentences in sindarin and even though i won't learn the language atm because i just have wayyyyy too much on my plate, i definitely want to learn it someday. also i seriously found so much new appreciation for the lotr books. they are SO well written and the characterisation is so good and tolkien really does a lot of very subtle things that i don't see other authors do that make his stories come alive so well. plus there's also the bit about how incredibly deep his world is, and you feel that while reading. and since the books aren't awfully long, the many descriptions and the relatively slow pace doesn't really matter, since many events aren't mentioned in too great detail. overall, they're just... really good books.
and then the movies are just as exceptional, and even though they're naturally much more superficial than the books, they're as deep for movies as the books are for books. i also watched a lot more making ofs and i'm still very blown away by how much work went into those movies but also how much enthusiasm.
also i may or may not have cried. several times.
also i still have a crush on legolas. yes. i know. shut up.

reading lotr got me back into reading in general, so now i'm almost finished with oathbringer and then i also read carmilla, though that one was a LOT worse than i had been led to believe. but anyways, i'll hopefully stick with the reading some more, because that is nice!

---

currently i'm on my last full day of vacation, visiting my family on their vacation in northern germany on a farm. it's overally quite nice, seeing how we've been to that place every year for the past .... 13? years. i get on great with my mom and my second sister and usually with my dad too. it's just the first sister who's... an issue. i'd almost want to say that she's got bpd except her mood can completely flip with in mere moments, but tbh i mostly think that she's just a bitch. and yeah, she's in her last year of school now so she's stressed and she has way too many hobbies that demand way too much of her and her expectations for herself are way too high but... g o d no she's also just a bitch and cannot stand people living a life that isn't dominated by her ideas. it kind of hurts because she used to be my favourite sister and we have a lot of similar interests, but i just can't stand her attitude. and also i mean she isn't the least bit interested in me or my stuff, but i'm welcome to listen to her stuff whenever she fancies talking about herself, so... yeah, there's that. and i'm still surprised and hurt by her attitude whenever i come visit my family, but i guess i just have to get used to it and have to break off the contact to her more.
because seriously, i started a new hobby recently and my second sister, who's always somewhere else mentally and who only lives for the day, actually went and asked me a lot of very interested questions, and the first sister just got up and left after five minutes, after she realised the conversation was going to not be about her. also all conversations that aren't about her get turned to be about her, which is just... so exhausting and so boring because there isn't that much to say about always the same topic.
so instead i now want to try to keep better in contact with the second sister, cause we might not have too similar interests but we're otherwise pretty similar, also in how we're both rather tolerant of people who are different and how she's becoming a pretty differentiated kid for her age. 
i already keep in touch with my mom a lot, so seeing her in person is just an extra bonus, and my dad is... well. a dad :D
but overall it's really nice to be here again, because this is the literal ass-end of nowhere and it's super peaceful and the owners of the farm are super nice and every morning there's pony riding, so we already get a morning walk, and then the rest of the time there's just n o t h i n g to do and you can just sit around and read in the sun all day or go for a walk somewhere else or visit the nearest tiny town or go pet some horses.
they also have TON of ponies now. eighteen, i think? and one of them is so old he's allowed to roam freely and then he'll just wait around the gate to be let in if he wants to be... or he just jumps over the fence somewhere because apparently that's still possible for him. the ponies are all too small for me to ride, but they're just cute anyways. then there are also six goats and a bunch of chickens and a dog and cats and bunnies and pigs, so it's a proper farm, and then the family also does some actual agriculture so there's also big machinery around and overall it's just really nice here. i really hope i'll one day be able to come on my own / with my own family/friends because it's an absolute minimum of stress :>
also it just once again shows me that living in the country permanently would be awful for me.

today, my mom and i visited the nearest city, which has like... 10k inhabitants and lives almost exclusively off of tourism and probably agriculture as well. there's basically nothing to do, except we went and got shoes for me, which they even had in my size (which is something really special bc i have large feeters) (AND i liked the shoes too, which is also something really special, bc i'm a picky lil bitch), and then we walked down to the harbour, walked around some more, got really cold, walked into a bookstore where i was really surprised to find out that this tiny bookstore in this tiny backwards city even had one shelf with english books! and they were pretty up to date books! that's pretty damn awesome.
we also got some tea for me... and then we left, because there was literally nothing else to do.
upside: i got free shit. especially shoes, because i don't enjoy buying shoes because they're expensive. more expensive than tea, at any rate.
downside: none :3

i am already heading back tomorrow though. which is partly sad because i enjoy not having anything to do, but also i miss my schedule and being able to do stuff my own way and studying and just having my own space... and nobody who'll snap at me for making an older in-joke or saying something unfunny or whatever. seriously, i do NOT know what my sister's deal is but she can go fuck herself, honestly.

BUT then there's also the thing that the husband invades late wednesday next week, which is super exciting and which i'm also scared of because even tho we've known each other for two years we've also never met and he's one of my two best friends and i do want him to like me irl too and i think he will but at the same time hmmmmm Concern. i also still need to think of things we can do and i also uhh... kinda.... sorta... need to clean my place and talk with the landlady about some stuff that needs fixing so i guess all that is happening as well.

another big change is also that i'm gonna go on antidepressants or similar meds, assuming that my bloodwork is okay. which is really scary because a) my bloodwork could ofc not be okay, which would mean that my body isn't okay, which would be bad bc i would prefer if the meat suit did its thing seeing how the brain is already busted and b) idk it's just scary. i want to go on meds, obviously, otherwise i wouldn't have gone to the doctor's in the first place, but mm. scary. also because then i'll also need meds that actually work well for me and i hope i'll quickly find the right ones and all that works smoothly.
then i also have a bunch of other health care stuff that i really should do and,,,,, yanno,,,, can't i just study medicine instead of having to receive it?
otoh i've been procrastinating that for way too long, so i think imma give myself until the hubby has uninvaded and then i'll tackle that. lead by example or some shit.
please i just wanna be less depressed and have more energy to do stuff and less anxiety and more self-control and self-discipline.
i'm also kind of thinking now to do daily logs on here, just to see how well i'm usually doing and where i need to improve myself more etc but also that's a lot of effort and i don't know whether i will be able to pull this through and whether i shouldn't maybe think of a better way to apply myself. but at the same time i feel like i do need a better way to actually log my life just to improve, so.... eh. we shall see.
i did step back from habitica for now though and got a different app for to do lists and stuff because i already did everything i can do in it, so the rewards don't really work for me anymore, and if you take those away then it's just a to do list application and there are others that work better. also i'm not wholly happy with the party i'm in there, so.... y e a h i needed a change.

basically i just need to streamline a LOT of shit. i don't have time or energy for so much crap anymore, and now that i've worked and still am working on cutting a lot of that out, i'm beginning to realise how much easier life is and how much more even i with less energy than a normal person can accomplish if i just have... less garbage in my life.

yikes, when did this turn into a rant? :D

anyways, life is going pretty alright but it's kinda crumbling at the corners, so i'm gonna work on that again. seriously, someone make me go to the gym more often pls ;_;

also i feel like writing a lotr rant post tomorrow or something, sooooooooo mmmmmaybe

me, every time i make an entry: and this time i'm gonna make entries regularly!
good job me

so, it's been like... what, three weeks? four? fifteen? so let's take a look at what happened. aka let's take a look at stuff i HAVEN'T forgotten. yet.

so the uni is still quiet on all fronts. my lawyer even sent another letter being like "henlo did u get my letter?" and they haven't replied to that either so i'm askjdfhalsdjkf
they did however manage to send a letter saying that they're taking me from the register bc of that exam so like.... i mean it's not like an actual lawyer went and told them that that's not ok but you know, it's whatever.
honestly tho, it's been over a MONTH. assholes.

then i also did a bunch of exercising, then overdid it, failed, crashed and burned, got the big depression again, pulled myself out of that again, got so bored i was doing sudoku all day every day bc NOTHING demanded any kind of intellectual energy from me and i was DYING :D also i went on the billionth rwby rewatch bc hngggg so bored

and then two weeks ago i kinda had a breakthrough? there was this event at my uni where you could look into pen and paper rpgs, and that's something i've been wanting to look into for so long but i never knew where to start until i found out about that event completely by accident! i was pretty nervous when i went there bc...... u kno...... people.... but i managed to get into a game pretty much immediately. it was cthulu, which i guess was a pretty good beginner's game bc your character sheet is just one page :D and it was super hilarious and i just honestly had so much fun. even tho we played with d10 and d10s mostly and... boi that was confusing. the dm handed me a spare set of dice and i'd picked a character sheet and was like.... "ok now uhh this is the maths???? why???" and he showed me the dice and was like "ok this is that dice and this is this dice and we use this dice for that" and i was just. so confused akjsdflhadf bc there were SO MANY THINGS! and then we had to investigate this corpse and later fight a baby cthulu while also we had two people diving in the lake to murder a book chamber of secrets style and everyone almost died and it was VERY crazy and we accidentally caused another death
shockingly, it all turned out to be really nice and fun and i exchanged discord names with someone else in the party and found out that each friday there's open game rounds at another place.
then pretty much the entire party joined another game, symbaroum, which is kind of dark fantasy i guess? and we had to follow this elf to get a child back but then really an evil witch had stolen the child and she sent zombie wolves at her while she was trying to sacrifice the baby. unfortunately, even though i was the knight of the party, my dice was SHIT and i never managed to get a single success in precision so i never hit my wolf. that was awkward and really funny.
the craziest thing was also just how FAST everything happened! i ended up being there for like over seven hours and i "only" played two games but i swear i didn't realise that so much time had passed bc it was just so much fun. which is great! and also all the seasoned players were super nice about us newcomers not knowing anything and constantly confusing our dice and our stats and the dms were great too and YEAH i had FUN with PEOPLE!!

so that was on a saturday, and the wednesday after i met up with the guy with whom i'd exchanged discord names (after quite some chatting, which terrified the fuck out of me bc i was DeterminedTM to make him not hate me aklsdjhfads). we actually met up at the irish pub, which was great bc a) i like the place and b) i also know where it is, which is a bonus. so he just told me lots more about how pen and paper works and also we talked about two games and he had the rule books with me and i got to look at some nice cool pictures and just ask loads of questions and i actually had a lot of fun! and then some sort of karaoke started and we left Very Fast bc No Thanks!

that guy also put me in the discord where the open pen and paper evenings are organised and signed the both of us up for the shadowrun round (which was really nice bc skjdlfhsdf i was scared of asking anyone whether i could join and also shadowrun sounded cool) aaaaaand then i went to play on that friday! and it was SO much fun. i absolutely love my character and the group was nice and it was surprisingly easy to get used to the character sheet... which is five pages long. because every item has stats and the stats have stats and the stats are different depending on the circumstances and there is a huge inventory and everything. also it's played exclusively with d6 and my pool is 16 d6, so that's quite the handful.
my character is called faahd, and she's an orc driver and she was supposed to be timid but i didn't know how to play that so she's kinda badass / a dick instead. she's especially a dick to our darkelf mage bc during that first round we played the entire party got caught in a spell meant for the enemy, meaning all of us hallucinated bugs crawling e v e r y w h e r e.
the mission was based off hänsel and gretel and in the end we fought a ghost in the form of the witch who had animated industrial cooking equipment and a forklift and then we managed to rescue almost all the children (except for one, which accidentally.... burned in the oven.... while we were fighting)
we started playing at 7pm (well, we set everything up and had stuff explained to us) and when we finished it was 1am and i had no idea that so much time had passed again! bc i just had so much fun!

i played again this friday, and even though we didn't get to complete the mission it was still so much fun and we dragged the mage so much still for casting that spell (and for trying to pay us off in garbage elvish wine, which me and the other orc obvs immediately sold) and then our other elf almost got eaten by a worm and we had to get him to a street doctor and then we had to kidnap this professor and none of us 2m orcs were intimidating, so the dwarf had to be intimidating. and he's like 1.3m, so that was hilarious!

other than that nothing really happened? i started doing a spring cleaning yesterday, i started studying again and i'm planning a bunch of activities for next semester, and then i'm visiting my family over easter and in the beginning of may my husband will come visit and then i have another friend visit to plan and going to download festival and probably a bunch of other stuff that i'm already forgetting and i just generally have to get better with my mental health and all that and make some friends, so.... yeah!
but i do have pen and paper regularly now and that will be great!

oh and then i also signed a hundred sunrises up for a wip big bang this year on top of doing camp nano, and i want to finish it for that wipbb, meaning that's another 150k on top of the already written 150k, and if i want to finish on time without even beta'ing it or anything like that i'll have to write 1.3k every day. so. that's a thing. let's see how well that goes. so far the discord server for the bb is really nice though :3
also i made up my very first oc! but now it's late so i'll talk about her in way too much detail in another post and go to bed now.

 it was leg day. someone save me T.T but also i don't wanna be buff on top with chicken legs below, so i guess i had to suffer. at least overall it went pretty well, and i did great on the bike, so there's that.

also kinda wild that the first person where i'm not afraid of calling them on the phone is my actual lawyer skdjfhsldf, which is a concept i'm very scared of, but apparently calling him is fine and legal??? wtf brain

unfortunately i still didn't get to start oathbringer... or post my culmets drabbles to ao3 :/ i wanna get to that tomorrow but i also have my therapist's appointment tomorrow, so i'll have even less time.
eh, i'll see. technically i still have loads of time to get oathbringer done, seeing how the next novel is only gonna come out in like 18 months
and the drabbles.... well, i doubt anyone is going to really care about them anyways, so...

i also sowed some more basil since for some reason it didn't spout at all. also all the other herbs are growing sooooooooo slowly. come on mother nature!

 there we go, one really productive day in the bag! i mean i only woke up at... 10:30, and then i stayed in bed until 15:30 BUT after that i put away the laundry, swept the floor, cleaned the bathroom, picked all the stuff up, took out the trash and did the dishes, which is pretty exceptional :3 and then i also did my planning for next week.
i've also had some of pixlpit's streams running in the background, which is always nice.

i also decided imma do yoga again, and i'm gonna do that every day `:D that's gonna be a handful. i'm... so out of shape, unfortunately, and i still haven't gotten the hang of breathing properly skdfjlhjsdf but i'm excited to do it again! it's really good for my back and mental state and... y e a h. it's just also gonna be a handful, what with visiting the gym almost every day... ;_;

i'm kinda excited for next week though... i've got a lot to prove myself, and at least atm i'm stable enough mentally to actually concentrate on other stuff and try to get back to living, rather than studying and sleeping and nothing else.
another thing i'm looking forward to is reading oathbringer (stormlight archives 3), which i just bought, but that's for tomorrow :3 it's so goooood though, and i'm so excited for that because god, words of radiance absolutely blew me away! but also i'm sad i'll have to wait until fall 2020 for book 4 T.T and i don't think edgedancer will be enough to tide me over, because that's only a novella. oh well

i've also been making great progress on the kittens game :D

so... i had an excellent night tonight, where i went to bed at midnight... and then at two a.m. an alarm goes off in the whole building. apparently the elevator got stuck with some people in? but i woke up and was so confused i walked around my apartment for a bit, trying to decide whether that alarm meant i should go outside bc maybe there's a fire? so then i deliberated a further five minutes on what i should take in case there is, in fact, a fire.
thank god there was no fire, otherwise spending so much time on thinking might not be the best plan of action, jfc!!!!

at least i cleaned most of my apartment today and also got started on an idea for a christmas present / goodie for my husband but BOY!!!

i also posted three new culmets fics on my ao3